Ramy (2019 - 2022)

You know why you’re so confused all the time? You don’t wash between your toes. It’s that simple.

You dropped out of med school to do what? Dude, the app is called “Snack Swipe.” That shit‘s never gonna work. Just go work for your Uncle… let him teach you how to be man.

So let me get this straight— you don’t do drugs, but you’ll have sex with women you’re not married to…? That’s not nuanced, you’re a hypocrite.

Everyone’s suspicious, man. Maybe your family was in on it, maybe not. Just lay low, and don’t draw attention to yourself. It’ll all die down… maybe. Also, where are all your Mom’s magazines?

Time for a spiritual cleanse. Get this month right, and you’ll have it all figured out. Fast properly, read your Quran, no sex, no porn… bro, close the MacBook! No porn. Just do the Ramadan. Get your life on track.

So you’re doing all this soul searching… dope. What about your sister? Can she? Yeah? How can she find herself if she’s gotta be home by ten? What do you think she– Ramy, where are you going?

Ramy, habibi, it’s Mom. Why don’t you call back? You don’t text, you don’t answer, you don’t even check this voicemail… astaghfirullah… call me. I just want to know you are ok. I made Koshary. Ok, bye.

You need to start getting right with Allah. All you do is focus on yourself… you’re so selfish… And no, not just because he’s in a wheelchair.

Give in, Ramy. Surrender. Stop overthinking things. Sure, it’s a bit unconventional, but you gotta follow your heart. No matter where it leads. Who knows, you might even find some happiness. Inshallah.